Raising the Bar

Bike-Quip Handlebar Risers

It was Saturday and there was not much time to be "Farkling" about with cables and plasma bombs, so I opted to have a bash at installing the Bike-Quip handlebar risers, which arrived very promptly this week. I mean; a couple of bolts - just like junior meccano, which I can usually just about handle (with the help of a responsible adult).

So, tools. I dug out a socket and limited spanner set, some hex keys from ancient history and other bits and pieces you might recognise from the British Science Museum. The instructions, wryly written by Bike-Quip's Keith Munro, called for plenty of towels, plastic bags, and hot water. This was quite a baby we were expecting!

I wrapped the handlebars in small towels and bags and lay a larger (United Nations) towel over Shadowfax's tank to give some protection from spanner-rash by proxy and arranged the tools around the area I was required to work in (driveway).

Following the instructions I bore down on the 6mm hex socket bolts; 4 of them. The 4th had been rounded off and its cap glues into place. Not to be defeated, and avoiding all temptation to call up Gregg to either borrow his garage, his tools, or his skills I excavated the socket with that pesky electric-testing screwdriver recently recovered from Shadowfax's anatomical equivalent of a bra-strap and then hammered in an old iron-feeling long hex to the cleaned socket. Leverage with a ring spanner failed, so next I got one of those gripping spanner gizmos with the locking grip and sharp teeth to grab a hold and give some spin on the situation worthy of that tie-less Cameron git off the evening, morning, and lunchtime news. With a degree of jubilation and poorly concealed pride the little bugger came out (the socket bolt, not Cameron - yet).

Fertling with the butterfly block

Then there was the 12mm socket required for the last bolts placed such that an extention or two was required to clear the tank. Some energy expended later and the handlebars were each free. Now there's the final two 14 lbs per foot torqued long main bolts holding the main block ("butterfly" shaped thing atop the steering stuff. However, after glued caps, rounded out sockets, and some blood, why wouldn't I expect at least one of these to give me trouble from also being rounded off?

Out with the torque wrench bought some years ago from Screwfix Direct on a whim (I liked the box) and a 1/2" to 3/4" converter. Set up with 2 x 3" extensions to clear the tank. Commence turn - hard work; put some more effort to it and realise a 14mm mechanically locked nut sits beneath the assembly. Some 15-minutes later ("fiddly", said Kieth in his instructions) I managed to assemble a ring spanner in left hand and hold the seated torque wrench in the other while holding the cables out of the way with my teeth and the strength of will alone. Twist - crack - "bastard!" Our 18-month-old neighbour recoiled in terror as Pat let rip a moment of careless emotion fit to accompany the newly presented bruise to the back of his left hand and torqued through broken converter piece. "Bloody Screwfix!"

Now, at a loss to get the bolt extracted I needed a new converter but to purchase one may be a waste as the first broke, why not the second? That left a thought to buy a 1/2" drive 12mm socket. Down to Halfords. First; no converters that way, only the other - a 69 of disappointment, then. Next, all manner of every socket you could wish to own but never use but no 1/2" socket 12mm socket - except as part of a large £18 set. "Screw that!"

Moments later, and an angry phone call to Ka to explain what a bunch of wankers stock Halfords and for her to offer no assistance whatsoever (like what? You might ask?) After I had apologised for being a git she told me to buy the set - it might come in use with Kn's Speedy-Kix, after all. Great thinking, I thought. She's a gal!

Back at the surgery I connected the torque wrench to the most expensive socket ever owned and extracted the bolt and block butterfly thing without further incident.

Now, to dry-fit the new Bike-Quip block. ("Fiddly". You're a bastard, Kieth). But then, I have a rounded out 6mm socket bolt and a pair of 12mm headed bolts with worn mechanical lock nuts. These would obviously be best replaced with new ones. Honda of Portsmouth...£24 for the set. They'll arrive on Wednesday. "What? But I need them now or I'm off the road for an age!" His reply, "sorry, I thought you'd understood". Yeah; I'm not thick, I'm just not psychic and a little bitter, I might ad, that a Honda motorcycle service and parts centre stocks diddly squit!

Back at the surgery. I fit the new block with the old bolts and the handlebars with the aid of a hammer and old iron-feeling hex key. Done (would say the patronising Gordon Ramsey).

Flippin heck! They're a long way back, I exclaimed to Nicky the Sister-in-Law as she washed her GPZ-600 and oiled up my prized cleaning agent sponge. I sat astride Shadowfax and couldn't believe how high and rearward the grips now felt. "Is the block the right way round", I wondered?

Verdict 1 - Fitted

The block isn't as well machined as I'd expected. The large drilled hole for the huge bolt on the upper end of the steering rack thing is not in the exact position you feel it ought to be - it's almost missed it. And the block over-hangs the steering top thing; resting on 2 rubber feet that actually hang off the steering plate more than you feel they should.

The whole assembly now pivots on the 2 x 12mm headed bolts and bounces on these rubbers so precariously seated over the edge of where they look like they should be. Is this really engineeringly sound, to introduce such a flexible joint and potential stressor on the bolts in such a vulnerable place? If a bolt sheered; what then?

Out for the quickest of rides and I felt like I was back on Dilbert. The block has taken all the sport out of sports-tourer and in the few miles I did before dark, the whole experience of steering now seems to have been disengaged from the road and my arse no longer sits in its established resting place on the seat making it all the more squirmy-some after just a few miles. Also, with the bars so far back and high reversing felt very insecure where my usual leverage off the bars had disappeared.

All in all, my first impressions are negative - I'm going to give it some time to see if I get used to it, or if it really helps my sore back and neck, but I am pretty big on first impressions and this is a deep one of something that may suit thousands of touring folk but is simply not for me.

I'll give 'em a week or until my arse squars off in its new position in that bloody seat.