Heuristics of Horsemanship

CAMPAIGN - Tax the horses!

Along the country lanes today I slowed for a sharp corner (still recoiling from near colliding with a 4x4 on Tuesday) and came head to head at 30m with a set of horses; is that a gaggle, flock, or herd? Um, troop? Stable? I can't remember but there were 4 of them with fearsome faces in their saddles. They looked a little twitchy for comfort so I slowed to a halt just short of them. The last mare had no riding hat on. Stupid. I was thanked, and waved off on my way.

Less than two corners later another hose in a stand off at 50m. There was no way the nag should have been on the road - it had poor road holding and was totally out of control hooving the soft verges and kicking more mud across the macadam to splat up on Shadowfax's belly for me to scrape off this weekend when I should be sticking a Christmas tree up in the front room. I had to draw the rider's attention (only by waving) and "ask" if it was safe to pass.

LINK: About horse accidents. This just goes to show you shouldn't leave Maltesers on show in your parked car.

This got me to thinking. Are horse not road-going vehicles? Well, no. In the eyes of the Law vehicles are non-living forms of transport. It's nothing to do with the modus of travel aboard something made, or given to that act of transport. Horses are animals. But, wait a mo', aren't dogs licenced? Well, no. Regulations changed. Not that I've seen anyone riding a dog except for a stunt when the World's (then) smallest man had a go on a great dane and those pornographic films downloaded by Wol': but that kind of riding wasn't exactly restricted to dogs, either. I digress. Horses and their riders should be legislated for!

Bit of a freaking habbit this equine car jacking?

Maybe there should be a horsey Hazard Perception Test, Compulsory Equine Training, and a licence for road-going horse riders and a Law regarding their wearing a helmet? They should be taxed too; the damage to the verge has to be repaired or cleaned up by the local council and I'll bet they fund this from my Road Fund Licence (tax) and not from the ILPH!

No control, no confidence their rides knew where they were going, and no bloody helmet. Get off my roads: I pay my taxes and don't need bloody horses fouling up the already fraught corners with piles of smeggy-slimed pooh and nor do I need to accept that "attitude" the 17-hand chestnut threw at me today.

"I didn't see you"

Charley Boorman explained to Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson the other week that he'd started out as a kid riding horses but later found motorcycles more sensible as they cost less to stable, need less grooming, and go the way they're asked to. (He didn't have a Pan, then). Perhaps we should give a motorcycle to every girl aged 5-years old so they can break out of their yearning to have 1300lbs of meat between their thighs and look to 1300cc instead?

Horse in field
I have little against horse riding - we partake occasionally as a family - but keep those mad-eyed nags in the fields with the tractors where they belong and get the hoof off the road if you can't at least behave civilly as a vehicle, even if the Law says you're not one. The bloke who threw a shoe at George Bush Jnr this week will get a custodial sentence to go with his alleged beating - just for insulting a guest; if a horse throws a shoe on the road I'll bet no one bats a bloody eye lid.

I'm convinced either drink, speed, or both were a contibutory factor

It's time we re-evaluate how we're going to combat traffic congestion. My solution is to take to the country lanes. I don't expect to be held up by free-loading horses! Tax 'em. Why not? They're as big as a vehicle, carry people like a vehicle, wear the road like a vehicle and, well, they've got 4 corners like most cars and I'm sure their emissions aren't tested in an MOT!

Then again, this link indicates the Government is thinking along the right lines: Horse Manure Tax.

Anyway, next time I'm talking to Evode.

At least I'm only being tongue in cheek about it...if this is horse rider training my daughter's getting a bike!